The world revolves around protecting the girl child, but we fail to realise that the boy child needs to be protected. Do we have organisations/ foundations made solely to protect the boy child? I’ve never heard of one, but if it does exist, it’s rare.
As an African, a male child is everything. He is expected to carry on the family’s name, stand as a father, and protect the family when the father is not around or too old to carry out his responsibility. A lot is expected from the boy child when he grows to become a man, but are they fully protected?
As a girl child, expectations are solely that you are groomed to be a mother and a wife; all eyes are on you. You are monitored and protected. It’s a case of being fragile and handled with care. All eyes are on the girl child to prevent her from being molested or damaged.
Now the question is, why do we not protect the boy child, just as we protect the girl child? Why do we let them go out as they wish, trusting adults to watch the boy child, but do not trust the same adults with the girl child?
As someone who loves to hear people’s experiences and knows how to engage in deep conversations, I have heard sad stories of how some the boy child had their first sex experience and it’s saddening that 90% of them were deflowered by adults: house helps, distant relatives, class teachers, neighbours, church members, etc.
These are people to whom some parents trusted with their kids. Yet, they are perverts. The shocker is that most of them got deflowered at the ages of 9-13 years old. How can a child be attractive to an adult?
In the course of this discourse, I will be sharing a few stories shared by people of their traumatic experiences and how they felt ashamed to open up to their parents.
James was a nine year old boy, bright and cute when he had his first encounter. The cutest boy in the area. Unknown to him, a lady whom he respected and saw like an aunty had an eye for him. One day, when he came early from school and his mom was at the market, it happened. He was home alone. This aunty noticed him and beckoned on him, and he obliged.
When he got to her, she took him to her room and told him to rub her back with an ointment, and he innocently obliged. From there, she guided his hands to her breasts and ordered him to suck them, which he did. She also made him suck her privates and later had carnal knowledge of him.
He told me it felt strange, being his first time with a woman. The whole sex encounter went on till he was 13 years old when he started avoiding her, because he wasn’t attracted to the woman. According to James, as a man, it became a big problem for him to connect with ladies around his age, as the woman had damaged him psychologically. So, he loves older women now but occasionally forces himself to date younger girls.
Efe was 12 years old when his mom brought a 25 year old to their house named Anita. She is a distant relative. One day, Efe was bathing, and Anita thought there was nobody in the house. She opened the door to the bathroom to get water to bath since water wasn’t flowing in her bathroom.
The moment she opened the door and saw Efe, she was shocked to see that at age twelve, he was huge and immediately pinned him to the wall and gave him a blow job. When he was fully hard, she slept with him, and this went on for a year until he became a sex maniac.
He admitted that at the time Anita left him, his drive for sex was very high and when he started dating girls close to his age, he wasn’t feeling it and started craving for experienced sex partners.
He would later practically seduce a youth corper serving in his dad’s company. He was searching for someone who matched Anita’s sex drive and experience. He was completely damaged.
Is it the reality that a lot of boys were deflowered by prostitutes? It’s truly sad that most mothers stress on checking their daughters to check if they are still virgins, but careless about the boy child. I know a lot of boys who are gays today because they were deflowered by same sex in boarding schools and also by male neighbours and relatives.
A married friend of mine, with two kids, was drunk one evening and told me things that got me weak to my feet. Jude was a qJSS 2 student, and a senior prefect met him and asked him to be his school son, and he accepted. That night, he was raped by the senior. It went on until the senior graduated. He said that since then, he developed cravings for just men. He only tries to be with a woman because of societal norms. He practically forces himself to be with his wife, thereby causing a problem in his marriage.
Jude said he had prayed to God to deliver him and that he was ashamed of himself. He broke down and cried uncontrollably. I was left in shock. You will never believe that Jude was gay.
Another heartbreaking story was of a man who had his encounter at only four years. His lesson teacher, who was 40, introduced him to the dark world of gay sex. He was supposed to come to the house every Saturday to teach the then four years old music. But, the teacher changed the motive for coming to the house.
He suddenly started touching the boy and even went as far as to insert vibrator in the boy’s anal when no one was home. The sad episode made the boy, to start staying away from people. He withdrew completely from others in school and got his class teacher worried because he was a lively kid before the ugly incident . He started acting uncomfortable when the music teacher was around. Rather than tell the mom what was happening, he simply told her how much he hated the music teacher. He was too young to express himself. The mom told him that hate was a strong word and dismissed him. It was his elder sister, who later exposed the music teacher as a hideous pervert. Imagine what a poor child had to deal with.
How often do we check the anus of our sons? Just as we are busy checking the privates of our daughters? Parents wake up, and our sons are going through harrowing experiences. The era of good husbands being readily available is now over. Let us wake up and concentrate on bringing up great future husbands.
Male children are raped too, but the shame and stigma won’t let them say it. If they share the experience with their peers, they will call them fools and say it’s part of enjoyment. They will even ask to be introduced to the lady or ladies.
How can we protect the boy child? By going through their phones. Know their circle of friends and engage them in conversations. When their friends are around, the door to their rooms must be open. Your kid should be 50%, your best friend and 50% your child. Learn to balance your friendship with being a parent. We all have parental instincts, and do not ignore it. Listen to your instincts. it’s a God-given gift to all parents. Go through their school bags and check their rooms, and if this generation of kids still keeps diaries, please check. Yes, you may brand me as someone belonging to the Stone Age.
I see nothing wrong in limiting their freedom. Your strictness with your daughters should be the same with your sons. The reality of life is that there will always be perverts out there, but we can protect our sons from falling victims. Trust no one 100% with your kids and teach your children to be open to you and learn to react in a way that will build room for them to continue opening up to you.
First published in The Southerner, under the column, “REDEFINED” on Friday, February 14, 2025.
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